Blondes
A blonde was down south and stopped in at a shoe store, wishing to buy some
genuine alligator shoes.
After hearing how much the shoes would cost, she told the shoe store owner
that for that price she'd just go out and hunt an alligator herself. The
store owner laughed and wished her luck.
Several hours later, while on his way home from the shoe store the owner
again saw the blonde, this time by the bank of a swamp. The store owner
watched, amazed, as the blonde walked around in the swamp with water up to
her chest with a shotgun. On the bank near the blonde were already 4 or 5
alligators, all laying on their backs, shot dead.
As the store owner continued to watch, he saw a large alligator swim toward
the blonde. The blonde aimed her shotgun and fired, killing the alligator.
The blonde then grabbed the alligator, hauled it up on to the bank, flipped
it over and exclaimed: "Damn! This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A man was driving down the road one day, when a rabbit jumped in front of
his car. The man tried, but could not miss the rabbit and killed it.
Being quite the animal lover and very upset with the death of the rabbit,
the man pulled over to the side of the road and began to cry.
A blonde who was driving down the road, saw the man pulled over sobbing,
so she stopped and asked him what was the matter. The man told her about the
rabbit.
"Hang on a second, I got just the thing" said the blonde.
With that she went back to her car, got her purse and pulled out a spray
can. She went over to the rabbit and sprayed it with the can. Several
seconds later the rabbit got up, waved at the man and the blonde, then
hopped away down the road.
The rabbit stopped after about 50 yards, looked back at the
man and the blonde and waved again. The rabbit continued this hopping and
waving until he was out of the sight of the man and the blonde.
The man was of course astounded and asked the blonde what the heck was in
the spray can. The blonde showed him the can which read:
HAIR SPRAY
Restores life to dead hair
Maintains permanent wave
A blonde was driving her car one day, when she ran into a hail storm.
The hail was large and made a lot of dents in the roof of her car.
After the hail stopped, she went to a gas station and asked the attendant
what she could do to get the dents out of her car. The attendant being a
smart-ass, told her: "Blow real hard into the exaust pipe, and that should
push out the dents."
When the blonde got home, not knowing any better, she did just that.
While she was down on her hands and knees with her lips wrapped around
her car's tailpipe, huffing and puffing trying to blow the dents out, her
roommate-also a blonde-came home.
Her roommate of course asked her what the heck she was doing. The first
blonde told her how the guy at the gas station said this was how she could
get the dents out.
The second blonde thought about it for a moment, then said:
"Like duh,....you have to roll-up the windows first!"
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a
nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed
her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes
closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned
and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now
open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and
Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had
been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the
doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread
dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had
exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a
gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When
she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
thought it was her brains.
She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her
brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
Top Ten Blonde Inventions
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
Blondes and Babies
A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of
the same place where boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.
"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"
To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of
his apartment building in
order to get a little color for himself. Not wanting any tan lines to
show, he sunbathed in the
nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and
managed to get
sunburned on his "tool of trade".
Being very determined, the young man decided not to miss his date
because it was with a hot
blonde. So, he decided to put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it
in gauze, feeling this
should resolve his painful situation. The blonde showed up for the date
at his apartment, and the
young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went
into the living room to
watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up.
After several minutes of
extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and
poured a tall, cold glass of
milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced
immediate relief of his
pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into
the kitchen to see him
with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk.
Baffled, the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those things!"
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